#8: Building Confidence When No One Around You Believes In You - Part II

Intro & Music: 0:06

Welcome and get ready to embark on the journey of a lifetime with your host, Kamara, motivational speaker and certified professional life coach for women. With over 20 years of experience as a life coach, healthcare executive, and mother of two, Kamara shares her own story while providing expert insights and building self-confidence and resilience, while overcoming fears and breaking down self-defeating mindsets. Subscribe now to Kamara Speeds and begin your journey of transformation to becoming the woman you want to be and living the life you want and deserve.

Kamara: 0:53

Welcome back, ladies, to another episode of Kamara Speaks, and I am your host Kamara, and I am so glad that you are back with me again this week. Hopefully you listened to last week's episode, because if you did not, I might encourage you right now to stop and pause this podcast, which is not something I normally say, but I think you should go back and listen to last week first. Not that you have to, but recommend it because last week was the foundation where we talked about what confidence is not and what it actually is, and some of the breakthrough thinking that you need to work on to build on that confidence piece. And then today is kind of a continuation from that. So you definitely can listen in and dive into what we're talking about today. But I would love it if you could go back to listen to what confidence is not and some of the layers that we talked about that you need to go through to actually change some of that mindset before we move forward. Okay. But for those of you who are ready, or for those of you who are going to continue to listen right now, we are going to move into the second part of this entire confidence building initiative. And today we're going to talk about building confidence when no one around you believes in you. And it's unfortunate to say that, but I think at some point in most of our lives we've encountered people that were not aligned with us or thinking and believing the same things. And sometimes we've shared ideas or thoughts or just dreams that I think we've had, right? And sometimes it could be those that you trust and love dearly that knock you down or help you to listen to the inner critic that actually tells you that you can't do it or that you shouldn't do it, or lead you down the path to trust the fear over trusting your inner self and your resilience to actually break through. So I'm going to talk about something that doesn't often get addressed nearly enough in conversations when we talk about confidence. And it's because most advice assumes that you're operating in at least a neutral environment. But most of the time you're not. And that's the unfortunate piece. So even in the situations in your home sometimes that may feel the most safe and secure, and not to say that they're not, but they're not all the times environments where confidence can bloom, right? And it's not intentional. It's not because those that are around us don't love us and don't try to believe in us or don't try to have our back and support us. Sometimes that's the case, and sometimes it's that they they do love us. Their perspective's just different. They don't have the trust and belief. Sometimes not in themselves first, and then definitely not in others. So many of you may think that you're in a neutral environment, but many of you are not. And many of you are doing this work surrounded by people, whether they're partners, family members, friends, colleagues, who aren't always supportive and who doubt you or minimize you or what you're thinking, and who actively sometimes, and sometimes even cruelly, even though they don't think that they're being cruel, they undermine you, or they're just condescending in tone to what you think is something important that you're trying to share. And I just need to speak directly to you right now, if you're one of those women. Because building confidence in a vacuum is one thing. Building it while someone who knows your deepest insecurities is either withholding support or actively poking at them is something different. And that requires something more. So all of the work that we talked about last week is really important, but it becomes very challenging and sometimes just downright extremely difficult when you're in an environment that doesn't support the work that you're trying to do on yourself. So when you're in that space, it requires a level of internal anchoring that most confidence advice doesn't really address. Because what we've talked about so far is a lot on the surface, right? It's intentional, it's thoughts, it's internal work. But when you get down to talking about the environment, right, that you're living in, it's not just about what you're thinking and comparing, it's what's feeding you on a daily basis, what's feeding a lot of your thoughts and sometimes a lot of your fear. So let's try to address it. So the first step is to understand why they do it. Why do the people that are around us not necessarily support us in our thoughts or actions or ideas or dreams? So when people around you don't support your growth, it is almost never actually about you. A partner who minimizes your ambition is often afraid of what your success might mean for the relationship, right? Or the relationship's power dynamic, the duo that you are. And a family member who scoffs at your dreams or puts you down or sometimes can be negative is often protecting you from what they think will be the disappointment that they've experienced at some point in time. And it's usually when their own dreams didn't work out or when they feel that they failed. So they're trying to stop you from experiencing some of those same things, right? So they think that they're protecting you and they're trying to protect you. And it could even be a friend who very indiscreetly undermines your confidence because they're often struggling with their own. So they try to downplay and downgrade what you're thinking and what you're going through. So this does not make their behavior acceptable because they're trying to do something right by you, even if that's what their intention is. It does not mean you need to excuse it or stay in proximity of it indefinitely and just soak it up. So, like, we know it's family members and friends that you can't necessarily get away from, but to understand it, right, understanding why they do it can help you stop internalizing it and taking it in. Because you sometimes can't avoid your partner completely, although I know a lot of you may want to and possibly would like to, and by all means, if that's what you need to do, then do that. But for the most part, just because they're trying to protect you, we can't necessarily excuse the behavior, but we need to understand why, and that will help you combat it. So you have to understand that their doubt is not information about your capability, it is information about their fear. So you need to learn to feel the difference, and that difference is crucial. So when you have an idea, you're sharing it, or you're trying to be consistent and intentional in the action steps you take to try to build your own confidence. When something contradicts that, or you get someone that's trying to negate that work, just know that it is about them, their own insecurity, their own doubts, their own fears, their own past experiences, because that's what we do as humans. Think about it. Like even us, those of us that are moms or caregivers, or those of us that are looking after other people in our lives, think about it. We do the same thing. We try to explain what we've been through, why we think it may not work, why we want to say, wait, hold on, just you know, the possibility that something else might be the outcome, you might not be that successful. So let's let's weigh the options, let's talk about the uh the consequences that could come, right? Like I I talk about the return on investment, let's look to see, like, you know, we invest this time, is it going to be what we expect on the other side? So just know that we're all doing it from a good place. Well, most of us are doing it from a good place. But understanding it is har half of the battle. So that said, the second thing is, as we go through um what we do to build our confidence, is to stop seeking validation from those who cannot give it. And I'll repeat that because we shouldn't be looking for validation in most places, but we should definitely not be seeking validation from those who cannot give it. And believe it or not, there's a lot of people in your life, there's a lot of people in all of our lives that cannot give us that validation. Most of them can. And this might be one of the hardest steps in all of this work that we're doing. It's hard enough to try to understand why people around us may not support the ideas and dreams that we have. But it's really hard to not seek validation from those that you may trust and who can't give it to you. But it's really important. So if you are regularly bringing your dreams and plans or progress or ideas to someone who consistently responds with skepticism, dismissal, or criticism, you are going to a well that has no water, and then you're wondering why you're thirsty. So stop going to that well. Some people in your life are simply not equipped emotionally, um, experience-wise, or psych psychologically, um, they're not ready. And they're just not equipped to support your growth. And that's not judgment. It's not to say that they're bad, and I'm not saying just because they can't that you need to escape from them or just not um engage with them at all, but you don't need to seek their validation because it's not a judgment, what I'm saying. It's a fact. If you continue to go to people with um important things that matter in your life and things that you're seeking to do that are trying to better yourself, and all you get is knocked down, that's a fact. And that's an experience that you continue to experience over and over again every time you go back. And continuing to seek that validation from them, that's not persistence. That's not you trying to um get them to change per se. You might begin to try to get them to change their mind or plead your case, but you you're seeking the validation, right? You're you're trying to get them to understand your perspective and your point of view, but it's just self-harm dressed up as hope. You know, you're you're damaging your own psyche and you're actually doing the opposite of what we're trying to do here and building the confidence because that person is not going to give you the validation you need, they're not going to give you the support or the pep talk that you need to continue to move forward. So identify those people in your life who are genuinely in your corner, not the ones that are going to give you the criticism over and over again. And even if it's just one, those are the ones you might want to spend more time talking to. And even if someone that you think of that you haven't spoken to in a really long time might be that person, then maybe just reach out and just say, hey, we haven't talked in a while, an old friend. Because if they exist, those are the people you want to reach out to as you continue to try to move forward and building your own confidence. It's kind of like, you know, all of the self-help books that talk about all of the things, right? So let's just talk if we're talking about building wealth, right? You don't want to talk to someone who's gonna knock you down and say you can't do it and you can't save and don't bother and don't put anything in savings and don't, you know, just spend all your money. No, you want to go and talk to the financial expert or the person that is building the wealth and someone that's gonna encourage you with the same ideas. So it's the same thing with confidence. So seek those people out and protect your dreams. Protect your dreams and your ideas in those early stages. You don't have to share everything right away all the time. Because those new goals and those new ideas that you have, those fires that pop up in your head in the middle of the night, because I don't know about you, I get them. I keep, I know, believe it or not, I keep um a pen and paper on the side of my nightstand only because sometimes I wake up in the morning with an idea and I gotta jot it down. Sometimes I have some um memory that I have that I want to remember because it might be um poignant in something I'm trying to accomplish that day or this that point in my life. So I'm not gonna necessarily have all of the answers, right? It's not we're not we talked about last week, not having all of the answers right away, not always being certain before you take that action step. So it's an early stage sometimes, some of the ideas that we have. Sometimes it's just that gut feeling that we talked about in earlier episodes that you gotta trust that just say, you know what, just do it, just go for that job, just whatever. And you might not want to share that with everybody early on. Protect it. Those new ideas, those things that pop up, that's confidence seeking out. That's confidence popping up. And it's those, those are tender moments that you gotta protect and hold on to. So the moment you have those instincts, unless you can have that person that's really going to be aligned with you and continue to push you forward and propel you as you do this work, don't jump to share everything with everyone all at once. So build a curated inner circle, a small community of friends, maybe just one or two, that you find that you can really share these things with, and that who sees you clearly and will tell you the truth with kindness, and that will help you to move forward in the confidence and in the work that you're doing here internally. And that relationship, that relationship with that individual or that small community that I'm talking about is worth more to your confidence than a hundred cheerleaders. And it's more than it's worth more than a hundred people in your family that may be excited for you but are going to give you the the negative or the criticism that may push you backwards in the opposite direction. So with that said, you also need to become your own loudest advocate. So when external validation is unavailable or unreliable, and you can't reach those people that you need to talk to that are going to continue to boost you up and give you the pep talk, then you must become your own source. And that's not arrogance, it's survival. And it is a skill, which means that it can be learned, and it's something that you can start to practice. So start keeping what I call a courage chronicle. And it's a running document or journal where you record every brave thing you do, every risk you've taken, every fear you've faced, every step forward that you made without certainty, without being sure. And when the people around you are not noticing or celebrating your growth, you celebrate it yourself. Explicitly, intentionally, and in writing, with the same warmth and recognition that you'd give a friend, or you'd give your child, or you'd give your partner, because we are always supporting and we're the cheerleaders for everybody else. You know, we help to boost everyone else's confidence, and we help to talk our friends and family into doing the things that sometimes we're too fearful fearful to do. So write it down. You know I am a big proponent of writing stuff down because putting in writing makes it more permanent. It's not just a thought anymore. It's on paper, it becomes fact. So write it down so that you know it's not a delusion. And it's not a delusion that you even had in your head when it was a thought. It's not ego, like I said, it's not arrogance. Um this is about accurate record keeping because the things that you're writing down, you have to realize are facts. And these facts become your own evidence base, and those are the things that you return to when someone's not on your side, or when that inner critic is popping up and trying to tell you that you can't do something, you turn to that list and you realize everything that you have done. And you realize all the things that you have accomplished and all the steps that you have taken. So when someone's not on your side and tries to convince you that you've not done something or you can't do something, you begin to realize in your own advocacy that you've come really far and you've already done it. You've done it before and you can do it again. You also want to set limits without a battle. You do not have to engage with every single doubt and criticism and undermining comment that comes your way. You're allowed to disengage without explanation. You're allowed to say calmly, simply, I hear you, and this is something that I'm still pursuing. And then return to your own lane. Go back and be your own advocate, return to that list, and cheer on yourself. You are not obligated to convince anyone else that your dream is valid. You are not required to win an argument in order to take a step. Let them have their opinion. Remember the book Let them, and let it exist over there in their world, in their minds, without allowing it to colonize in yours. This takes practice, but you can do it. And it takes the kind of internal groundedness that you are building right now. It's the foundation in this work. But it is possible, and it does get easier over time. But like I said, you don't need to seek validation, so set limits when you're going into a battle. You do not need their belief. Remember that. You need yours. And yours is the only one that is ever going to get you there. So just keep that in mind. So I want to say something personal here. Some of the most powerful transformations that I have ever witnessed in my coaching work have happened with women who were actively doubted by the people closest to them. Women who built something remarkable, and not in spite of the opposition, but in a very real way because of it. Because that opposition forced them inward and it forced them to find a strength that didn't need external permission. So once you can identify these obstacles or barriers, it's it's forcing your way through, right? So it's working around it and taking the action steps like we talked about anyway. Um these women were forced to build relationships with their own convictions that no one could take away. And the doubt, as painful as it was, became the crucible. And I'm not saying you need to be grateful for the people who undermine you, but use them as the catalyst to push you forward. I have always tended to be the person that always wanted to prove people wrong. So you tell me I can't do it, I'm going to prove to you that I can. You say that I can't achieve it, I'm going to achieve it and then show it to you that I've done it. But I don't that's not quite the way that we need to think about it, right? Like that's what I said I used to think about. But what I can say is that when people doubt me or say that I can't do it, I just say, okay. And I tell myself, I'm going to do this anyway, because I know I can do it. It's not about um, how do you say? It's not about trying to negate their thought. It's trying to correct my own. So I don't let them have the final word. I have it myself. And that's so important. So, like we talked about last week, with all of these things in mind, for everything we talked about then and now, I want to guide you into a journaling exercise. And it's called the confidence excavation. And it's going into steps that I think are really important that you need to set a time aside in addition to what we talked about last week to do on a weekly basis. So if you're listening in the car, just listen to it and later on come back so that you can actually do this. And like I said, I'm a big advocate for writing it down because getting it on paper makes it more final. It's like building a contract with yourself. So find a quiet space and get some time set aside, maybe about 20 minutes, and get something to write with. And I like it to be actually pen. Although I use pencil a lot, sometimes pen makes it. So it's not like, you know, a pencil makes it sound like it's temporary. You can erase it. Like, no, let's get a pen. Get a pen, get a journal book. Let's not put it on a sticky pad. Let's make this something important because it is. So grab the journal, grab the pen, let's get to it. And we're going to write down what's true. Not necessarily correct. We're not thinking right and wrong. We're going to think about what's true. And like I said, sometimes more than one thing can be true at the same time. So work through these following questions without rushing. Give it some thought to each question. Stay with it. The emotion that you feel is going to be the information that you're going to need to make sure that you take note of and build upon. So that emotion is pointing towards something worth knowing. So just make sure that you recognize that. And as you answer each question, just kind of feel that emotion internally. So it's uh how many questions do I have? I wrote them down. So it's seven questions. So number one, where in your life do you already feel confident? Even quietly, even partially, what is it about those areas that allows confidence to exist there and what conditions support it? Number two, describe a time when you did something that scared you and came out the other side. What happened? What did you discover about yourself? How did you feel afterward, and why does that matter now? Number three, what does your inner critic say most often? And I like this one, because believe it or not, the critic says the same thing. We think it's different a lot, but it's not. It's usually just the same lies that pop up. It's the same lies that are trying to pop up in your head that try to stop you. And we don't tend to recognize them. Sorry. Okay, so I know, I keep going off track. So what does the inner critic say most often? Write it down all of it, uncentered, all of it, write all down. As painful as it may be, because you're going to think it's your inner thoughts, but no, it's the inner critic, it's not you. Write it down. And then next to each statement, write the actual evidence for and against it. What does the evidence really show? You're going to be your own judge and jury. Like I said, your own advocate, regardless of what other people say. We're not listening to them. So write down what your inner critic, who's not you, says in your head. What do you tell yourself in those thoughts? And then write down the evidence. What's fact? Is it true? Because believe it or not, you're going to discover something. Most of it's not true. Almost all of it's not true. So, number four, who in your life, past or present, has made it harder to feel confident? What did they tell you about yourself, directly or indirectly? And here's the deeper part of that question. Have you been living as though that is true? You get that? What did they tell you? And have you been living as though and as though that's true? Because I have found in my own personal life that my inner critic says things, and sometimes it's what other people have said, and then I start to actually believe it. Like I start to live in like that's who I am, and that's not who I am. I've come to realize that that's not. And that's part of that's that's half the battle, right? Realizing who you are and what you're capable of. So that's an important one. Number five, what would you do right now in your life as it is, if you had the confidence that you're craving? If you had all the confidence that you want, what would you do? Write it down without editing. This is this is a brain dump. You're just putting it all on paper. Don't talk yourself out of it. Just what would change? What would you start? What would you stop? Number six, what is one belief you currently hold about yourself that is standing between you and the confidence you want? And there is a belief, there's something you believe about yourself that I hate to tell you it's not true. But you believe it. You probably don't believe me right now what I'm saying, but it's true. You do believe it. So what is one belief you currently hold about yourself that is standing between you and the confidence you want? Where did that belief come from? Think about it, ladies. Where did it come from? Because it's coming from the inner critic. But there's an origin. Find it. Is it actually yours? Is it your belief? Or did someone hand it to you? And lastly, number seven, write a letter. Write a letter to the version of you who is six months from now. The version who has been doing this work consistently, what does she look like? What does she feel like? What does she do differently? What does her life look like? And what does she want to know today? So write that letter to yourself six months from now. Take your time. This is technically not homework, this is important work. This is studying. This is studying yourself. Because self-awareness is half the battle. Like that self-aware awareness is education. And it's educating yourself. So this is you going down to the root and core of who you are. And this is the important work here that we're doing about becoming, because this is discovering who you are through all of your roles, through all of what you lost yourself in all of this time. This is getting back to who you are. I've done this myself. I had to get back to who Kamara is based on who she was before life got in the way. So do all of that, and when you finish, close the journal, take three slow breaths and drink some water. Or maybe a slate at night, drink a little wine. No judgment here. Seriously, journal work at that type of depth is going to be real, and it might feel a little draining and exhausting, but that's okay because you're flushing out all of that inner negativity and that inner critic, and you're building back up the real you. So if something big came up, and even if you found something that seemed so profound or that surprised you, shocked you, some of you may even experience tears, goosebumps, chills, whatever it is, whatever moved you, whatever you cracked open that you discovered, let it be. Because that is exactly where you want to be. That is exactly where the growth happens, where it lives at its core. And that is really groundbreaking. That's the breakthrough that you want. So let it be, let it happen, feel it, breathe in it, and just take a step back and soak it in. And then what I want you to do from there is to um work on that same confidence practice and some of those same thoughts and go back to that journal and read it as you move forward. So you're gonna take everything we did last week and you're gonna build it into this journaling exercise because this is the culmination of everything that you need to start to build in order to work on the confidence. And then now we're gonna talk about building this out for the rest of the week, right? Building out a plan to continue to move forward in the action steps that we talked about. So a seven-day confidence build looks something like this. And like I said, these aren't assignments that I'm giving, these are structured exercises that you can do, and you don't have to. I mean, right? Like if you don't want to do this work, this is not forcing you to. You might say, Kamara, I don't agree with any of this, and that's okay. I'm not talking to you then. I'm talking to the women that actually do want to build the confidence, that feel like this is what they need at this point in their life, and those are the ones that I want to actually take the action. I don't want you to talk yourself out of it. I want you to actually move forward. So let's talk about some of these activities that you need to do over the next seven days, and this is something that you're going to be able to repeat week after week. So, step number one is to complete the journaling exercise we just talked about. This is going to be the foundation. Don't skip it. It's important. Set a proper time for it. Pick the moment that you need to do it. If you don't have the time to actually do it, don't rush through it or don't say, okay, um, I'll just get this done so I can move on to the next step. No, wait till you have the time to take it seriously, because it is serious. And not at midnight, in the middle of the night, when you feel you have the time but you're exhausted. This is not gonna be the five-minute window or the last thing you do before you go to bed. So give it the space and the attention that it needs. Step number two is to build your evidence archive. So using that left column exercise that we talked about in the last episode, you're gonna spend 20 minutes listing everything hard that you've navigated in your life. You're gonna keep that list somewhere you can access it easily, and you're gonna return to it week after week whenever that doubt voice sets in and gets loud. It's gonna be important to have that list handy. You can actually even make copies of it. So you can have like a copy in like maybe your pocketbook, and you can have a copy at home at your desk or at work. So just do that. Step number three, take one confidence bet that we talked about before every day. Each day during the week, starting this week or next week, whenever you can complete the exercises we talked about, I want you to identify one small action that requires you to stretch slightly. You know those stretch assignments that sometimes we talk about at work? That's what you're going to do. And it doesn't have to be at work, it could be in area any area of your life. So use some of the examples that we talked about last week, where we talked about inspiration, um, things that you can do to inspire yourself or to create your own ideas. And at the end of each day, write one sentence about how it went. Not a grade, not whether it was, you know, fantastic or not, but just a reflection about how it happened, how how it went, what the what the outcome was. Don't look at whether it's good, bad, just be indifferent. It's neutral. Just the facts. So you can say, I did it, it felt uncomfortable. Or I did it and it was easier than I expected. Or I almost didn't do it, and then I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I did do it. Like that's enough. Just what you did and the outcome. And that one confidence bet that you took is going to be important because as you start to jot them down every day, hopefully they start to build. So you have multiple examples to pull from. It shouldn't just be one all the time. Step four, you're going to start your courage chronicle. You're going to get a dedicated notebook, create a document just for this, where you're going to begin logging your daily confidence bets, your weekly wins. And this is the evidence base that we talked about that you're building. And it's something that you can return to when you need proof of who you are. Step number five, identify your safe one person, right, that we talked about. So the person that or persons in that small community that actually and genuinely want the good things for you and are going to be honest with you without just giving you lots of criticism and shutting you down, those are the people you're seeking out. So identify them. And if you have someone, reach out to them, even if it's an old friend, like we mentioned, and actually tell them that you're doing this work. Share with them these thoughts and ideas that you have. Because if they're really supportive of you, then they'll understand and they're going to be supportive of everything that you're doing, right? All of the things that you're feeling. If you're confident and you're starting to feel confident and you're feeling positive, then they will too. So we're not seeking validation. We're not trying to convince them, and we're not looking for their approval. We're just looking to share. And we're looking for someone to share in the joy of doing something that is bettering your life, and they can share in that joy with you. So just let yourself be seen in that journey. Let yourself be seen by that small community or that friend or friend group. And your first confidence bet this week is to look for that where that person might actually exist and find them. Because, sadly to say, for some of you, and probably similar to what I experienced, is that you don't have many. Sometimes you think you do and you don't. So look in your community, look in your class, look online, look at your friends, look at work, look for a coach. But you need at least one witness to this work and what you're doing, someone that hopefully can cheer you on and help to support you as you move forward. And sometimes it is reaching out to a coach. You know, I think us coaches get a bad rap, like I said before. I know I'm putting in this little plug for coaching, but it really is important because as a coach, like we are your best friend. Like we're the ones that are gonna stand by your side, give you the truth, we're not biased, we're not judgmental, we're not gonna shoot you down, we're gonna give you the facts, we're gonna support you, we're gonna listen to the good times, the hard times, the sad times, the bad times, all of it, all the things. The happy times, the joy, and we're gonna be a neutral party. We're not here to tell you what to do. We're help, we're here to help you figure out who you are and where you want to go. So sometimes it is seeking out a coach. And sometimes you may have a coach in your own life that is just that friend coach, right? That actually is that person that can support you. But you got to be able to identify them. So seek them out and identify them because sometimes you're seeking advice, advice from the person that's not your coach, but from the person that actually is doubting you and putting you down every time you bring them an idea. So you need you need that that witness and that um that community. That is important. So lastly, step number six is you want to write your confidence statement. And this is something that I think culminates all of the work that you're doing, all of the exercise and journaling. And this is kind of like at the end of the week, which is why I said, like, you know, it's it's a step-by-step process, but this is kind of like that end stage. And then you're gonna just repeat it again. Or sometimes, if you don't feel you need to repeat it, if it's so serious and you've poured all of your um internal work on paper and you've done all the exercises, then maybe you just read through it again and you just keep repeating what you've already done. Sometimes you may have to go back and do it again, and sometimes you just rinse and repeat and reading through it to remind yourself and keep yourself motivated as you build the practice. But write your confidence statement at the end of the week, after you've gone through all of the steps we've talked about, you've done the internal work, you've done all the journaling, you've answered the questions, you've had the transformational thoughts and moments, because like I said, transformation doesn't take a long time, it just takes a long time to get to the transformation, to convince yourself you need to transform, right? You're gonna write that confidence statement. And it can just be one small paragraph, three to five sentences, not a lot. Just start with the words, I am the kind of woman who. And make it specific to what you discovered about yourself through all of the journaling and exercising. I am the kind of woman who. Be bold, be honest, think forward, make it honest, make it yours, read it out loud, read it to yourself. If you don't like it, cross it out and build a strong, confident statement. I am the kind of woman who. So it's not just a positive statement or pep talk. This is the type of statement that tells you who you are, that you remind yourself of that you are being, that you're becoming, that you were, that you are again, and where you're going. So that is your week. That's the steps, that's the journaling, that's building on all the stuff we talked about last week. That is the bold and full um step-by-step process that we're going to stop there and say that is basically the start of your confidence building. And as you continue to do that, you will start to see the mindset and the actions you take shift in a different direction. And you're not gonna be the same woman who started at the beginning. You're not gonna be completely different, maybe a few of you, but you're going to be measurably different and shifted. And you're gonna see how you can measure it. And after after you start repeating it week after week, the transformation is going to happen and you're going to be surprised. I was. So just hang tight and stay with it. And before I let you go, um, I want to leave you with this. Confidence is not a thing you either have or you don't. It's not a personality trait you were assigned at birth, and I think I've said that in prior episodes. It's not something that the lucky woman got and the rest of you missed. It's it's built. It's something that you build brick by brick over time. It's a choice. We get a choice every time we wake up in the morning. We get a choice when we lay down our head at night. We get a choice about our thoughts and our actions all the time. So those small, brave acts that you take, those action steps, are the bricks that you're laying in that foundation. So just remember, it's not something that you just have and you don't have. It can be built. It will be built. And you do have you don't have to wait for the fear that you have to go away. You don't have to feel completely safe and secure with yourself. You don't have to wait for the people around you to believe in you, and you don't have to wait until you've read enough books or listened even to enough podcasts or completed enough courses, or you don't even have to wait till you've done answered all the questions in the journal to start thinking positively about yourself and realizing that you have a choice. Think about those things as you go through these moments and exercises. And don't wait until you feel that certainty is sent set in and that you have enough uh assurance, right, that you can finally begin, that you're ready. Because you're probably not going to feel that way. So just begin now. Start now. With a full weight of doubt on your shoulders, with skepticism in your heart, with the inner critic trying to be loud, just start. And in fact, it's the only way that this will probably work. Because when you're when you're completely in all of the motivation, like of course, then it's easy. But what you want to do is to be able to remember, push the inner critic aside. You can't silence them because the inner critic he or she is gonna pop up either way. But you gotta be able to jump over them, override them, just push them to the side. So this is the perfect time. You're scared, you're nervous, you're not sure. This may not even make all of it uh complete sense to you right now. Just begin anyway. Just start. Because the confidence that you're gonna have is built over time. And it's not in the easy conditions, it's not built in the kind that um comes when you're thinking all great and that life is rosy. It's it's gonna come during the hard times too, and it's gonna come when things get hard. So the confidence that holds is the kind that you build when when you're afraid, while you're feeling unsupported, while you're listening to the inner critic, or while you have been and why the people around you are doubting you. So that's when that's the time when you have to rise. And that confidence is yours. So go build it. Build it brick by brick, moment by moment. And that's it. Okay, ladies, that is it for today. That is a wrap. And oh my goodness, where does the time go? Okay, last parting thought for those of you who may not have heard last week. I had a special announcement at the end of my podcast that I'll remind those of you who didn't listen, or just a reminder reminder for those of you who are still listening, that I have something coming this fall, and it's built for women exactly like you. It is called the Chiara's and Lipstick Collective, and it's a coaching membership that is unlike any other. It's where I actually make it my business every single week to ask the women inside the membership what they are dealing with. What are their concerns and issues today? And that is what the coaching focus is going to be every week. So, nothing prepackaged, no curriculum, there's no course that you have to finish, there's no homework. That's already set and predestined and already built for you just to click on and download. Like this is going to be an active, working, coaching environment week by week, built for women who have and want to experience something different. So I encourage you to go to Tiarasandlipstick.com if you haven't already, or Tiara's and Lipstick.com slash event, I think is the exact page name, and you can sign up for the wait list. Once you do, you will get early access to the membership and you will get special pricing, discounted pricing. You're locked in for life because of course this is brand new, so I have to have founding members. So the founding group is limited to the first 25, and we'll see where we go from there, right? I'm hoping that this will continue to expand and we can continue to build this community together. And this is for women who want to do a little bit more deeper work than just what we're doing here on the podcast. This is where we support each other, where we work together, where we talk about the real things that we're struggling with in our day-to-day lives, because what we're struggling with has the same foundation, but it also changes, right, depending on what's going on in the world. So let's talk about it. Let's talk about it, let's coach on it, let's support one another. And I'm going to continue to build an environment and community and work that is built around what you need. And that's what's going to make this membership different than some of the others that you've seen out there. And you don't have to believe me. You can just come on and give it a try. Give it a shot. Alright, ladies. That's it. I will let you go. Thank you so much for tuning in today, and I will talk to you again next week. And you guys have a fabulous week and weekend. Alright, ladies, take care. Bye-bye. Thank you for joining me today. I hope you enjoyed this episode, and if so, hit subscribe. Remember to check out Tiara's and Lipstick.com for information on my personal coaching services, group classes, and special promotions. And come find me on Facebook or Instagram and let's connect. Send me a message, say hi, and let me know if you like this episode. I'd love to hear from you. Until next time, this is Kamara reminding you to step up and think big.