#9: What a Life Coach Actually Does — and Why Every High-Functioning Woman Should Have One (A Mental Health Awareness Month Special)

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Welcome and get ready to embark on the journey of a lifetime with your host, Kamara, motivational speaker and certified professional life coach for women. With over 20 years of experience as a life coach, healthcare executive, and mother of two, Kamara shares her own story while providing expert insights and building self-confidence and resilience, while overcoming fears and breaking down self-defeating mindsets. Subscribe now to Kamara Speeds and begin your journey of transformation to becoming the woman you want to be and living the life you want and deserve.

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Last month, I was in a coaching call with a client and I asked her one question. I said, What would change about your life if you trusted yourself completely? And she started to get emotional. Not because she didn't have an answer, but because she did. And she hadn't said it out loud in like twelve years. That moment, that exact moment is what life coaching actually is. It's about asking those hard questions and confronting the reality of the emotions that come from those answers. Because you already have the answers somewhere down inside. You have the answers, you have the capability, and coaching is about bringing it forward and creating the capacity to manage it. So in today's episode, I'm going to talk all about it. We're going to talk about something different, because it is mental health awareness month, and there is a conversation we are not having loudly enough. So let's get to it. Welcome back to Kamara Speaks. I'm your host Kamara, certified professional life coach, founder of Tiara's and Lipstick, and the coach and friend you didn't even know you needed. And if you're new here, pull up a chair, welcome back, grab that cup of coffee, that latte, that water, or that glass of wine if it's nighttime for you, we don't judge here, and listen up. And if you've been here a while, then welcome home, welcome back, and I'm so glad that you're joining me again. Today's episode is for the woman who has been holding everything all together, the one I've been talking about for some time. And holding it together together for everyone else, and quietly wondering if maybe, just maybe, there is something still missing. Some version of her that she keeps catching glimpses of in the mirror and losing all over again. Today we're going to talk about a few different things in regards to life coaching, and we're going to talk about what a life coach actually is, because I think there's a misconception out there every time I speak to women, especially when I go to events, that I don't think they quite understand. So we're going to talk about what a coach actually is, what we actually do, and why this work matters more than people realize, how coaching is very different from therapy, because that distinction is very important, and what makes my work specifically different from other coaches that you might have seen or heard or even be considering. And if you're ready, I'll also talk about how we can work together. But before any of that, like I said, it is Mental Health Awareness Month. So happy Mental Health Awareness Month, ladies. May is the month we're supposed to talk about mental health. And most of what gets posted is, let's be honest, pastel pictures and uh quotes and motivational little tidbits that try to keep us motivated and updated. And I actually do that myself. I try to post those things as well. Be kind to your mind, and sometimes, you know, the poems be kind to your mind and you'll be fine. But I want to do something different today. I want to talk about mental wellness for the woman who looks fine. And I'll say that again, looks, appears. The woman who, quote unquote, is fine mostly, and who isn't in crisis, who isn't on medication, who doesn't have a diagnosis, who is just tired, right? Disconnected, sometimes confused, and going through the motions of a life she built and somehow doesn't even recognize anymore. That woman exists by the millions in this country. Millions, ladies, and the mental health system isn't built to catch her until she breaks. And that's why I'm here, because I think that we can do a lot better than that. So let's start at the top. What is a life coach? I'll tell you what we are not. What we are N-O-T. Listen up. We are not a therapist. We do not diagnose. We do not treat mental illness. We do not dig into childhood trauma the way a clinician would. Although sometimes those things do come up, I will say, and then I usually try to refer my clients to a mental health specialist. We are also, though, not a mentor. A mentor walks you through their path. A coach walks you through yours. We are not a guru. I am not the expert in everything and all things. We don't have the answer to your life. You do. We just have the training to help you hear it. And most importantly, we are not, and please hear me on this, a hype woman with a laptop. There are people online calling themselves coaches, there are coaches absolutely everywhere, coaching on absolutely everything, who have done zero training, who promise outcomes they can't deliver, who confuse motivation with transformation, because we all throw those words around, including myself. But a real certified life coach is something very specific. We are trained in evidence-based methodologies, active listening, powerful questioning, accountability frameworks, behavior change models, and the tools that are needed to help you get from where you are to where you actually want to be. Not where everyone else thinks you should be, where you want to be. And here is the thing most people don't realize about coaching. It's also not about goals, although I talk about that as well, right? It's incorporated. All those things matter. And yes, we work on goals, and yes, I talk about them, and it's good to label them and set targets and metrics and see how you're doing and measure your success and all that. But that's actually about 10% of what's happening on a coaching call. 90% of what's happening is identity work. Who do you believe you are? Who do you believe you're allowed to be? And what story are you telling yourself about what's possible for a woman like you? Because your habits don't change until your identity does, until you can shift your mindset. You cannot habit stack your way into self-worth you don't have. You cannot bullet journal your way out of self abandonment to trust yourself again. And you cannot girl boss your way past a story that says women like me don't do that, or can't earn that, or don't deserve that. You have to update your story first, ladies, and then the habits follow. And that is coaching. Now let's talk about why this work is essential, especially right now, especially for women like us, and there are a few reasons. For one, the mental health system in this country is overwhelmed. I work in healthcare. It is. The average wait time to see a therapist in many states is six to twelve weeks, and that's if you can afford one. If you can find one that takes new clients, and also if you have the kind of clinical condition that makes therapy the right tool in the first place. But here's the thing. Most women I work with don't have a clinical condition. They have a life condition. They are not depressed in the diagnostic sense, they are over functioning. They're not anxious in the diagnostic sense, they are overresponsible. And they don't need a diagnosis, they need a witness, they need a strategy. They need someone in their corner who isn't paid to maintain professional distance, but who can get up close and personal and professional, and that's coaching. Secondly, high functioning women specifically fall through the cracks of our wellness system. I'll say that again. High functioning women specifically fall through the cracks of our wellness system. You are not at risk of breaking until you are. And by the time the breaking happens, the burnout, the marital crisis, the panic in the target parking lot, the realization that you don't recognize your life anymore, by the time that all happens, the cost of recovery is enormous. It's an emotional cost, a financial cost, and it costs you time. Time that no one can spare and that we can't waste. So coaching is a preventative mental type of health care. It is the maintenance you do before the breakdown. It is the investment that protects protects every other investment in your life. And lastly, and this is the one I want you to hear specifically as well. Most women I coach don't realize they needed support until they had it. They thought they were fine. They thought, quote unquote, fine was the goal. They didn't realize there was a whole octave higher of being alive, of being themselves, and being awake to what's happening in the world and what's possible in their lives. And once they touched that, they couldn't go back to fine. Because fine is just the version of yourself that you settled for when you didn't know better. But I teach women better. And this brings me to the next thing I want to talk about, which is how real coaching affects so much more than habits and goals. When you do this work well, ladies, what shifts isn't just your behavior, but it's the relationship to your own life. Because that's what's most important. What shifts in your relationship to your own life matters about not just you, but everyone in your life, everything you do and everyone that you interact with. It's the way you walk into a room. It's the way you talk to yourself when no one's listening. It's the way you respond when your husband or your child or your boss says something that used to wound you or hurt you. It's the way you make decisions, both small ones and big ones. It's the way you spend your money, it's the way you spend your time, it's the way you sleep at night. It's the way you parent your kids. It's the way you take care of your own parents, and it's the way you choose what is worth your aliveness, right, and what isn't. And I have watched women, ladies, in in six months of coaching become unrecognizable to themselves and in the best way. They walk taller, they speak differently, they stop apologizing. Please, sidebar, if you haven't read my blog about stop apologizing, please go to Tiara's lipstick.com and read that one. They stop apologizing, they start asking. They put themselves on their calendars the way they put everything else. They stop dating the potential of people who have shown them their reality, and they start treating their own dreams like they matter. Because they do, ladies. Because your dreams do matter and you do not have to abandon them, even if you feel like you've lost time or a lifetime, and it seems like your dreams existed so many years ago that you can't bring them back. But you can, and they do matter. They always did. And it's just it's a matter of you finally believing it. So it's it's not a habit change that we're looking for. When I talk about transformation, it's in regards to your identity. And once it happens, it's pretty permanent. Because like I said, it takes uh who who says it? I think it's um to uh Tony Robbins. Like he says like it takes a moment for the transformation to happen, but a lifetime for you to get to that moment. So once you see yourself, you can't unsee it. You see yourself completely, and you cannot really unbecome the woman once you've become that person. It's almost like uh going back in time, like that movie Back to the Future, and then seeing yourself all over again. And that's what coaching does, ladies. That's what happens when it's done well. And that is the return on the investment that no one talks about, that no one wants to tell you about. Unfortunately, you know, we we talk about motivation and transformation, and we talk about the slogans and we talk about um being here for you and coaching you through daily activities, but when it gets down to the root and core of it, that's what it's about. So if you're listening to this and you're thinking, okay, maybe I should look into a coach, let me talk about what makes my work different than the other coaches that you might be considering. Because I get that question sometimes when I'm talking to women. And until you get on a call with me, sometimes you don't get that answer. So we're going to talk about it today. Because there are a lot of us out there, a lot of us that aren't necessarily built the same, but are looking for the same thing. So a few things you should know about my practice specifically. I'm a certified life coach, and what that means is that I have done formal training. I've logged in hours and time and practice and have been credentialed by an actual body, and there are different bodies out there, but something and someone that has held me accountable to those standards. Because anyone can call themselves a coach, but not any not everyone's certified, regardless of what school, institution, or body of work that they've done, not everyone has earned that. Secondly, I am also a healthcare executive. I have an MBA in healthcare administration, and I run a home health and hospice operations, and I've been working in home health care as well as hospital hospital administration pretty much my entire career and my whole life. And I've worked for over two decades. Although it doesn't sound like a lot, it feels like a lot more than that. It feels like I've been working for the last 60 to 75 years, but all I can tell you is that I'm not coaching you from a beach somewhere, um, selling you some fantasy while I'm sipping a mate. I am working, I am coaching, and I am from inside the real world, with credentials, with strategy, with experience, and working in the healthcare industry. And like I said, not having all the answers and not pretending to be the expert, but knowing that I am someone like yourself that has lived through various challenges, transformations, and experience, and I'm still coaching myself and still going through experiences because I think it is that important. Three, I built this practice specifically for women because that's who I know, and that's what I feel I'm specialized in, that's who I focus on, and those are the people that I want to reach, women like you. Midlife professionals, working moms, women of all ages who are high functioning and who've tried other things, right, and feel that they've tried everything and are still missing something in their life. Women who have tried the books, the podcasts, th well, the other podcasts, right? The journals, the therapy even sometimes, and are still missing something. Because sometimes therapy isn't it. Sometimes it's not specifically a trauma that you need to unpack. Sometimes it's something else. So my work is calibrated for the woman who appears fine and is quietly drowning, who appears fine and inside doesn't feel like that and she's not sure what's going on. And if that's you, then you're in exactly the right place. Fourthly, although I'm not sure if that's a word, fourthly, well, fourth, uh, in in the fourth place, I don't know. I'll tell you something else. Some coaches will tell you what you want to hear. And I am not that one. I'm gonna let you know now. If you get on a call with me, I'm just not built that way. I will love you, I will see you, I will support you, I will be with you every step of the way. But I will also call you out when you need to be. I'll call you out when you're shrinking, when you're dodging, when you're performing, when you're sabotaging, when you're not being real, when you're not listening, um, and especially when you're not listening to yourself. Because I'm that friend. It's not just a coach, I'm that friend and coach who tells you the truth. Who tells you when you have spinach in your teeth, but can also tell you when you're playing it small or not playing it right. Both. I do both and I do it always. And fifthly, although I don't think that's a word either, but for the fifth thing that I want to share, is that this is the one I want you to focus on and make real in your head, if nothing else, is that running healthcare operations is what I do. And it's how I've shaped what I do in work most of the time during the day. And in a way, it's what most coaches will never understand. Because when you work in healthcare, specifically in home care and in hospice, it's a completely different beast. And for those of you who work in the healthcare industry, I think you understand that. When you spend time around people who are severely sick, when you spend time working in an industry where you service people who are that sick, or who are people who are at their at the end of their lives, I try to coach myself to move past the small stuff. You stop letting things get in the way of life, and you start prioritizing what's most important. And sometimes what's important is what you want, who you are, and where you want to be. And I help women get through that. I have learned what dying women regret. And I'll tell you, they almost never regret what they didn't accomplish at work. They most often don't regret the uh extra hours they didn't put in at the end of the workday. They regret who they didn't become. They regret the dreams they didn't honor, the conversations they didn't have, the people they didn't spend time with, the boldness, the aliveness that they kept postponing, that they kept putting off, the things in life that they kept inside that really matters, that they paid no attention to because they let life get in the way. And I refuse to coach women to ignore that. I coach you towards the small, towards those things that you've held inside, the little things that really matter. Because life is too short, ladies, and I've been close to seeing how short it is for so many people. Okay. I know, didn't want to get too somber, but it's it is somber. It is somber sometimes. And it's not to be sad about it, but it's life. Because we have to realize that we all won't be here forever. My kids don't want to hear that, so hopefully they're not listening. They don't like it when I talk like that. But it's true. We won't. Okay. Enough of that. So now let me circle back to mental health. Because it is Mental Health Awareness Month, because it matters, because coaching is not therapy, though. Let me stress that. I just need to put in some disclosure here, because we're not confusing the two. Because if you're experiencing depression, I do want to stress it is important that you seek mental health guidance and assistance. So coaching is not therapy. Let's circle back. Mental health can mean different things to different people and on different levels. So if you're experiencing depression, anxiety, trauma, an eating disorder, addiction, or any other clinical mental health condition, when you feel uh physical things that you or in your mind things that you feel are out of control, or even if you want to jump on a call with me where I can help you distinguish between the two, because they're very different, please, please find a licensed therapist, psychiatrist, or even psychologist, because coaching does not replace clinical mental health care. And I'll repeat that. Coaching does not replace clinical mental health care. So if that's what you think you need, you need to seek a licensed professional, not a coach. And if you need help distinguishing between the two, and you're not ready for a therapist, or you don't think that you need one, I can get on a coaching call, just a discovery call, and help you distinguish between the two. But if you know that you are in immediate crisis, there is a suicide and crisis lifeline that's available, and I will put some of this information in the podcast show notes, and please share it out with other people, especially on social media, because I think we need to get uh continued awareness out there because help is available, and it's available not just uh from you know coaches in regards to mental health, it's available for people that need it clinically too. There are uh lifelines and uh hotlines out there that can help you twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, and just know that you are worth that phone call. So if you need to make that call, or even if you're just thinking about it, pick up the phone and call. But for the woman who is not in clinical crisis, who is functioning, who may not be flourishing in life, but who is fine, and who's not feeling quite free, coaching I think is for you. Therapy heals what was, and coaching builds what is next. So they're not rivals and they're not opposites. They work together. So many of my clients actually see a therapist and a lot of times see therapy at the same time that they work with me. And a therapist can tend to heal wounds and past traumas, but coaches, like me, I help them build the life on the other side. So this month I want to give you permission. Yes, I'm giving you permission, because you just might need it, um, so I'm granting it, to consider that investing in yourself is not selfish. Whether you're seeking therapy, whether you're seeking mental health on the clinical side or in coaching, it is preventative health care for your mind, and it's clinical health care for your mental well-being. For me, coaching is preventative health care for not just the mind, but for the mind, your spirit, and your life. It is one of the most loving things that you can do for yourself, although people don't see it that way. And it's the most loving thing that you can do for the people who are around you, who are watching and learning and modeling their lives off of yours. And we know who we're talking about, our family, our kids, and sometimes even our friends. So that's it, ladies. That's my spiel. That's what I've been trying to get across to women as I meet you guys in the streets, at events, at fairs. I'm trying to get the word out to let you know what life coaching really is all about. So if any of this is hitting you today, if it's hitting home, and if you're still listening this far in, um, at least I'm hoping that you are, there are two ways that I can share that you can work with me. There are two doors that you can walk through, and either one fits, and either one will work. It just depends on the season that you're in. So door number one, which I think is the most effective and really important work, is the one-to-one private coaching with me. This is the deepest, most concentrated work that I do. It's just you and me. Weekly sessions, we tackle whatever is yours, right? Whatever's coming up in your life, the career pivot, the marriage question, the identity work, the next chapter that you can't quite def, that you can't quite see, you're not sure what's calling you, or what's calling you yet. It's the investment that you make in yourself. And it's significant. It's the transformation that I've been talking about that shifts you into the next trajectory of your life. The trajectory for the next 20 years of your life. So you start with a free 30-minute, sometimes even an hour. Sometimes I say book out an hour because I get deep into it. We really go through all the things that um are bothering you. And we go through that entire discovery call and for free. There's no pressure, there's no pitch. It's just a real conversation between two women to see if we are a fit. And the link is in the show notes if you're interested. Or you can just go to Tiaras and Lipstick dash calendar.as as dot me slash free. There are links all over the place. So if you go to the show notes or if you go to tiarasandlipstick.com, you'll find that there's a free consultation um button that you can click and you can just schedule a call and we can talk. And I can help you figure out if you think you need a mental health professional, um, a clinical person to actually help you through whatever's going on in your life. And we can work through that as well. And door number two is something new that I think I've talked about that's coming this fall, and it's called the Tiara's and Lipstick Collective. And what that's about, it's a membership. It's my signature coaching membership for midlife women, although women of all ages can join. But I tend to focus on women in midlife because it's where I am and it's how I've progressed to here, and it's a lot of women that I meet that I feel that need the coaching. So those are just the women that seem to flock to my membership and to my coaching happen to be the midlife working professionals and working moms, but you don't have to be to join. So just know that. But it's my signature coaching membership, and it's a live monthly group coaching with me. It's a guided self-love and confidence curriculum where we'll go through things that um are bothering you, and I focus on what is going on and what you're navigating on in your life from week to week. So it is taking surveys of the people, the women in my membership to talk about what's most important to you. So I build out the curriculum as we work through it. I don't have courses already made. It's not going to be perfect, but it's working through it together because that's what coaching is. It's not a class that I've already built that you're just gonna click in and sign in and read some material that may or may not be applicable. Like we get down and deep. So the doors open this fall, and I actually have a wait list open right now. So you can go to Tiara's lipstick.com forward slash event, E-V-E-N-T, and you can join the wait list where I can send you more information and I can um, excuse me, keep you posted when it drops this fall, when enrollment opens. Because I'm going to have enrollment open for a short period of time. I'm working on stacking certain ideas behind the scenes. Um, I'm talking to some of my coaching clients about what they want to talk about and what's important to them, and I'm taking notes about what I've been experiencing with women just in case I don't get a lot of women that come up with ideas, because we may start small, and it may even start off as a small group, because the first 25 women who join, right? When you open, when open enrollment drops and you join, the first 25 women are founding members because it's a new group and a new membership, and you guys are locked in early and get cer special perks and special pricing, and you're locked in for life. So just know that too. So whichever door you choose, just choose one. And if it's and if I'm not your coach and it's not me, and you find someone else that you connect with better, then that's okay too. Just choose one. Because if you're thinking about it, I think you need to take the leap. It's the best thing that you can do for yourself. We spend our time and our money on so many other things. And trust me, ladies, I do too. The creams and the serums that I lit that I use in the morning and and at night are are real. It's a struggle. The struggle is real there. But it's important to me, so I enjoy it. And this is important too. Invest in yourself, even if it's just the one call to kind of figure out what's going on in your head and in your life. Because here's the thing you've been making decisions for years. High functioning women always do. And the decisions you've been making are not for yourself. Every time you said next year, next time was a decision. Every time you said the kids need it more, or I'll do that later. It was a decision. And you've been deciding not to invest in yourself for so long that you've stopped noticing that you're making that decision. So this month, decide differently. Okay, ladies, I think that's it. That's a wrap. I'll leave you with this one final thought for today. Just know you are allowed to need help. You are allowed not to be fined. You are allowed to invest in your own mind, your own life, and your own joy. And you are allowed to be coached. This Mental Health Awareness Month, do not just be aware of mental health. Do something about it. Therapy, coaching, community, journaling, a podcast that makes you feel seen. Whatever your version of the next step is, whatever that next right step feels like, take it. And I will be here every week, or pretty much every week, in your ear and in your corner. So share this with other women. Get it out there. Share it with just one woman who needs to hear it. Because this is how this work travels. This is how more women come home to themselves. I love you all so much, and I see you, and I will be back next week. Have a fabulous week and weekend, ladies. Take care. Thank you for joining me today. I hope you enjoyed this episode, and if so, hit subscribe. Remember to check out Tiara's and Lipstick.com for information on my personal coaching services, group classes, and special promotions. And come find me on Facebook or Instagram on Let's Connect. Send me a message, say hi, and let me know if you like this episode. I'd love to hear from you. Until next time, this is Kamara reminding you to step up and think big.